If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
