You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
