i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
