tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
