The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
