he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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