erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
