Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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