After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
