fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
