You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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