I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
