Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
