He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sext me about skeletons
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
