hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
