he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
