another moral hangover. fuck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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