If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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