we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this hospital has no fireball
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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