In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
