those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
