You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
