You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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