Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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