I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
