instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize