why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
