Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
