brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
