you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
