You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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