The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize