so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
