So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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