i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
