my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
