and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
