you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize