the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
