Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
