we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
