we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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