OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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