What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
