Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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