I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
