By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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