My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
