Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
