dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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