so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
