We won't sleep together?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
