I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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