but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
