wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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