I cannot find my penis.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
