so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
