Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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