I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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