Jerry, you need to find god
it hurts more in the daytime
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
