I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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