dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
