When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
