Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My vagina just clenched in fear
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
