Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
