Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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