Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize