We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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