Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
