non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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