I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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