Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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