Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
