They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
