i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
