I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
