cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
