I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
