i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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