Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
