Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
