If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
