If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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