I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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