hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
