You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
