I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
