i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Verdict: uncircumcised.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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