I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
