my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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