oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
