The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
