Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
