I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
