Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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