Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
