Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
