My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
