So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
